Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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