somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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