im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
