Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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