I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
