she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
