Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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