this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
