Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
