How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
