How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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