Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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