um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im six kinds of drunk right now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize