She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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