1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
