Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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