I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
