Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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