i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
