OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
