I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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