She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
