it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
