i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
