i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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