I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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