I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
