Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
