so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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