Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
