Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize