Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
