he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
