FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
