I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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