my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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