I didn't shave. On purpose
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
