My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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