Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
