i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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