my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
