So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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