My first STD was from a foam party
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
