If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
