So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
