oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was CRYING into my vagina
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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