i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
