Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
