how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
