if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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