remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
