Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
