You're completely useless in the revolution.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize