Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
