Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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