His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
