All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
