Too much gin, very little bucket
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize