I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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