So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
