if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
