Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i now understand why vodka
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
