All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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