I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
