Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
