I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
