4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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