I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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