It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
