I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
