He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize