I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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