i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
