I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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