So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize