her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
