I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
